She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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