Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
