I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I would ride that face into the sunset
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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