Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
