people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I wear drunk well.
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