If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
