She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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