What a fucking waste of an outfit
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
