It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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