I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
