none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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