I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize