i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Vodka?
Forever.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
