fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
