Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
