Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
