At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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