at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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