Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
