Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
