dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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