He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize