bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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