so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
