how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize