the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
