nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
