You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
