I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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