I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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