White coat. Heels.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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