mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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