No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
