yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
