the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
