i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
