Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
