I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
