Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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