Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize