SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
