you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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