So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
