apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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