Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
