idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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