I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
