It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
