I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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