On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Randomize
