don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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