She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
