Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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