the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
