when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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