He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
