The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
