i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
