remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
