xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
