Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
