So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize