I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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