gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
