STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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