If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
