I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
