Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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