he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
