wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
